再见，北京

From the night before I left Beijing:
May 19th, 2012:


As I sit here at my host home, half-heartedly tossing random objects I don't want to forget into my two gigantic suitcases, the wave of reality at my impending departure repeatedly washes over me. In it's wake is a lot of mixed emotion.


I guess I'll start by saying how much I'm going to miss this place. This smoggy, industrial, ugly city has really grown on me...kind of like the mold that is growing in that tea thermos under the bed...ew. 


Beijing is a complicated place. There's so much tradition here. So much heritage. The past fifty years, however, saw a movement to completely overthrow that system. Uncontrolled teenagers rampaged through sacred temples, smashing and slicing and scribbling away their own history in the name of modernism. But now? Beijing doesn't know what to do. It now respects its old self, but still yearns to grow. The result, reflected in the ancient hutongs it bulldozes down and simultaneously attempts to protect, and in the people who profess atheist communist rationality while espousing traditional superstition. Beijing is changing quickly, as every person who knows nothing about China but wants to say something has told me, but it's so much more than that. It's calibrating, and witnessing that has been exhilarating. There's nothing quite like riding a shiny new subway to an ancient neighborhood to play traditional mahjong.





Then there are the people. My host family. I'm gonna miss my host mom's smiling face and crazy hair. I'm gonna miss her food even more. I'm definitely NOT going to miss the constant smoking from my host dad, but we bonded a little bit in the past few weeks. I still feel like I'm assaulting him when I burst forth with my Chinese as soon as I come in the door. I'm excited for home, just as I expect they are excited for their real daughter (yes, I'm referring to myself as a very masculine surrogate daughter, haaa). 

Just woke up...don't judge!

I'm going to miss sweet-natured Eric. I don't think I've ever seen someone so timid pull out such violent kung fu moves. I'm actually going to miss trying to escape as he fails to pick up social cues when practicing his English on me...okay Eric...okay...I've got to go...okay, Eric....uh-huh... :)

Eric on the right, Jacob and Lena on the left

I'm going to miss that crazy-lovable Aussie Sophia, whose exploits and mishaps are eternally entertaining, and the graceful Indonesians Bonita and Ingrid, and all of the foreigners I have met here. I have been exposed to a global patchwork here, and because of people like kind-hearted German Lena, and quiet-yet-clever Conrado, I have seen the goodness that permeates the entire world.

I'm going to miss the CIEE office staff, from the witty John to the effervescent Elena, to the adorable Clover, and the rest of the crew...I'm really going to miss stopping by there during my day!

Look closely and you'll see Gloria

I'm going to miss my Beijing native buddy Lexus (and Cherry!)--I don't think I've ever become such good friends with someone so quickly. It really is a shame I only met him a week before I left, but this bromance is just beginning! One of the most important things for me when I set out for Beijing was to establish a real, genuine connection with someone rooted in Beijing. It's something you can't force, and I'm lucky to have found such a good friend at all. All the more reason to come back here! 

What else? There's more that I know I'm forgetting. Odds and ends. I'm going to miss the steamed dumpling place, right next to the milk tea with the amazing smoothies! I'm going to miss the community of our Hanyu class, and the goofy attitude of our Tingli laoshi. I'm going to miss going everywhere on the clean, easy-to-navigate subway, and I'm going to miss the magnitude of the ancient monuments. I may even miss the smog. A teeny, tiny, eency-weency bit. 


Not. 


So, friends, I guess this is where I lay out the things to come. This isn't the end of my Beijing writing...I still have some stuff to cover, (like the desert trip, inner mongolia, the countryside, religion in China, etc.) so look for that. However, while this isn't the end of Beijing, Beijing isn't the end, either. In June and July, I will be studying at Fu Jen Catholic University in the Republic of China, also known as the is-it-is-it-not-independent island of Taiwan. It will really be a continuation of Beijing with a different flare, as I will explore, as well as the beginning of my research on the political status of Taiwan! 

Last sunset in Beijing

The rain, so rare in Beijing, now pours down, flooding the dusty earth. In a way, it is almost too symbolic, as if it's the tears being released from somewhere deep inside my mind at the thought of leaving. Or maybe, Beijing is sad to see me go. At the same time, however, it's almost as if it is cleaning the slate--washing away all the memories that have accumulated this spring, me included. Rebirth is coming--in a few weeks, after we have left, new students will come to study here, to live in this room, and to walk the ancient streets that we once walked. For Beijing, and for me, too, it is a fresh, new start.

Just a tidbit from our desert trip...

The End is Near!

I can't believe it's already here. 


Was it not last month that I was hastily moving through the airport, looking for a random Chinese person holding a CIEE sign?


Was it not last week that I was starting classes, deciding on my level, and meeting my tutor for the first time in the library?


Was it not yesterday that I was moving in with my host family, anxious about our compatibility?




And I feel like I'm still waiting for the oft mentioned "culture shock" to kick in, forcing me to pull my hair out in frustration with unfamiliar behavior. Yet, no such thing has happened. Sure, Chinese society (after the countless essays I had to write on it, I refuse to use the word culture!) embraces different behavior. Pushiness is acceptable, and the concept of a line doesn't quite exist. When walking, no one really keeps to the right side of the path, and traffic is the most chaotic jumble ever, but none of it really bothers me. In fact, I feel I've adapted well. I no longer hesitate to ask people personal questions, or stare at passersby. I am getting better at the implicit communication Asian societies embody. When my host mom casts a quick glance at my bare feet, I know I need to put on my terribly nerdy slippers when walking around the apartment. 




As for my Chinese, I feel as though I have greatly improved in different areas. Not only has writing characters become easier, but I feel so much more comfortable speaking. Gone is the nervous tension when listening, and I now blab as unceasingly as in my native tongue. I'm sure it's not all correct, and there are some times when I know the listener doesn't understand me, but it's such a relief to let my personality shine through instead of the awkward and robotic reactions I had before coming. 


I've been making more and more Chinese friends too. It's never planned; they come from all backgrounds and situations, but I'm going to miss them all...


Some students go abroad just to party ad infinitum, or take advantage of easy classes, or just to "get away" from the US, but to those who have a genuine purpose to your time abroad, a semester may not do.


To all of you out there thinking of studying abroad: if you seriously care about learning the language and making genuine connections to the locals, A SEMESTER IS NOT LONG ENOUGH!


It has gone by in the blink of an eye. Of course the semester I have had has been wonderful, but more time would have been welcome. I was worried that if I didn't like the program, a year would be miserably long. Given that twelve weeks have flashed by, I think even an unhappy year would have been tolerable.


It is a tough call. I really didn't want to leave my ND world behind for a full year, but I did come up with a solution: this summer, I will be living in Taipei, Taiwan, where I will continue to study Chinese. This way, I can keep working on my proficiency.


 As for the friends I've made here in Beijing, there's only one solution: I'm just going to have to come back someday.